Raising a child is troublesome and joyful at the same time. All parents know this firsthand. Today we have prepared for you a selection of tips from our parenting books. They will help you become wiser and better understand your children
About emotional parenting
1. How to build a healthy self-esteem.
Firstly, you need to teach your child to be realistic about their responsibility for the situation. Second, make sure that the object of self-criticism is his or her individual actions, and not behavior in general.
2. How to teach optimism
The basis of optimism is not positive phrases, but the way a person interprets the reasons for what is happening. Children partially adopt optimism and pessimism from adults. They, like a sponge, absorb both what you say and how you say it. So the first way to help them is to learn to deal with pessimism yourself.
When you’re overwhelmed by emotion, your child feels it. He takes your display of emotion, dull or blindingly bright, as an indication that you need to take seriously what you are reacting to. Emotional learning takes place in this very form. Children not only perceive the specific content of your actions, but they also internalize their general style.
3. How to Save from Depression.
Children with a tendency to be depressed are usually characterized by one of two styles of behavior. They behave either like bullies who explode immediately if they don’t get what they want, or they behave like gutless victims who let themselves be pushed around and retreat because they don’t want any trouble. Not surprisingly, the passive child becomes easy prey for bullies.
The former need to be taught to restrain themselves and show them non-aggressive ways to overcome their discontent. The latter need to be reassured that they are not helpless and help them become more assertive.
4. How to get closer to your child
Emotional parenting of a child is not easy. Many adults find it difficult to talk about emotions themselves. And after all, the task of parents is to teach this to children. There is a simple way that suits absolutely everyone – reading books.
Reading together with children can be a great way to educate them emotionally. Books help children learn new words to talk about feelings, and they contain many examples of how different people deal with impulses of anger, sadness, and fear.
5. How to deal with children’s problems
Very often it seems to adults that children’s problems are mere trifles that are not worth paying attention to. For example, someone called your child names or the child is nervous before his or her first presentation. You think that this is not a reason to worry, and you simply ignore the children’s problem. And in vain, as a result, the baby is alone with himself and withdrawn to himself.
To avoid this happened, try to show more sympathy. If you find it difficult to do – try to imagine a similar situation in an adult world. Think of how nervous you usually are before the first day at a new job, or how hurtful it can be to hear colleagues mocking you.
6. Avoid excessive criticism of your child.
Many parents, without realizing it, gradually destroy the self-esteem of their children. They make unnecessary remarks, yip, tease or interfere and correct when the child does something and doesn’t succeed at the first attempt. Often parents put labels on their children: “slob,” “clumsy,” and “bad-tempered. All of this has a detrimental effect on the child.
So if you are characteristic of this behavior, the next time before you say or do something, remember that your words are addressed to the little vulnerable person. Try to be less critical of the kid, use sarcasm in communicating with him. Remember: children tend to believe what their parents say. If you are telling your child every day, that he is bad, he will start to think that he is. Nagging children, you gradually lose their trust, and therefore the closeness with them.
7. The right to make a mistake.
Allow your children to be independent as they learn something new. Do not interfere and let them make mistakes.
According to Montessori’s precepts
8. What we say and how we say it
Of course, children are different from adults in many ways, but each of them is a little person who is with us and remembers on a deep level all the pictures, sounds, smells and touches. When we understand this, we are more conscious of the impression our actions and words make on the child.
9. All parents are moral teachers.
Our goal is to show our child moral values and teach him how to live according to them. Then the child will develop self-respect. In the future it will be easier for him to build strong friendships. He will be easy and pleasant to talk to.
10. Don’t ask silly questions.
Try never to ask your child rhetorical questions like, “How many times do I have to say this?” The answer is simply, “I don’t know, Daddy, how many times you have to say it!” Asking silly questions will result in silly answers.
11. Baby time
In your baby’s world, time goes by more slowly. Adjust to his rhythm, stop and explore together what interests him, whether it’s an ant or an unusual flower. Be patient.
12. The child’s horizon.
Remember that a child perceives the world from his or her height, that is, relatively close to the ground. Try to look at the world through his eyes, and you will again wonder at everything as he does.
13. Learning is not a race.
Children learn at their own pace. As a rule, the more parents insist, the more kids resist. Pushy parents see their children as proof of their status: if their toddler is reading at age three, they’re obviously doing well. But what will they accomplish if the child ends up silently resisting learning and teachers?
14. How to become part of the adult world
As Maria Montessori believed, “The essence of independence is the ability to do something on your own. This experience is not just a game. It is real work that children must do in order to grow.” Toddlers want to be part of the adult world. Work gives them as much pleasure as play, if they are allowed to do it.
15. How to deal with children’s stubbornness
Whenever possible, let them choose between two equally acceptable options. “Will you drink water or tomato juice?” Empty stubbornness can be minimized by giving the child a reasonable degree of independence and responsibility to make him feel grown up and important.
16. Kindness and politeness.
Remember fiction writer Robert Heinlein’s golden rule of family life: “Kindness and courtesy are more important between spouses and between parents and children than between strangers.”
17. Remember that a child is a little person.
He may get scared, bored or feel lonely. Or he may have a scary dream. Watch your child carefully, listen to him or her. And then you will soon be able to unmistakably determine what he is trying to tell you.
18. About rules and strictness.
Any child checks the strictness of the rules. It is part of the process of growing up. This is often how he expresses feelings he doesn’t understand, and he learns to deal with his emotions by the adult’s reaction.
About infant parenting
19. about infant crying
Crying is a baby’s first language. When we turn our backs to a crying baby, we say, “I don’t care about you. It happens that left unattended children stop crying, but they also stop being happy.
20. Magic words.
Parents often wonder how to teach their child good manners. A general law applies here: children learn what they see. If you say “please” or “thank you,” your child will learn it when the time comes. Don’t force him to say these words before he is ready for it.
21. Mode of the Day
All the stages of a child’s development can be enclosed in a certain framework, and the baby’s life should be built on a strict routine. The upbringing and development of an infant should be subject to four simple actions: feeding, activity, sleep, free time for mom. It is in this order and every day. Establish such a regime of life is not easy, but only through him you can properly educate the child.
22. Do not rush to your baby instantly.
If your baby is crying when they put him in bed, do not rush to him instantly, do not take him in your arms right away. Such actions are addictive for a baby. When I cry, his mother comes. Next time he will cry even for no reason, just to get your attention.
23. Correct feeding.
Some parents turn feeding into a game and then wonder why their kids misbehave at meals. If moms and dads play “airplane” games, such as putting food on a spoon, let them not be surprised when their child does the same thing but without the spoon.
Also, you should never talk your children into eating. They will do so when they are hungry or when a plate of their favorite food is placed in front of them. But they will not eat if we try to feed them by tricks or deceit.
24. Music in a Child’s Life
Listening to music in the first years of life is important for a child and becomes a stimulus for development. Sing to him from birth. Songs and lullabies become ingrained memories of early childhood. The sounds and rhythm of the music playing in a baby’s room form the foundation of musical education.
25. No Tricks
Many parents are willing to do anything to get their baby to sleep. Some walk around the room, rocking the baby, others take him in a stroller or car for hours. This is not the right approach. The baby can quickly get used to this method. Then it will be very difficult to retrain him. And it will only exacerbate the problems of falling asleep.
In fact, your baby can fall asleep on their own, without your help. The main thing is not to use any tricks. Just repeat the same ritual every day. For example, before going to sleep you hold your baby in your arms for 10-15 minutes, talk to him, and then put him in a crib and stroke his tummy.
26. Haphazard Parenting
Haphazard parenting becomes when parents are inconsistent and constantly change the “rules” for the child – for example, one night they let the child crawl into bed with them, and the next night they leave him alone crying in his crib. Or, when faced with the child’s new behavior, parents try to solve the problem as quickly as possible, such as using any means to put the child to sleep.
Quick fixes accomplish nothing. It’s like putting a Band-Aid on a wound instead of giving an antibiotic to a sick person and preventing illness.
Some parents don’t understand the process. They keep sticking a band-aid on: making concessions, asking for favors, allowing the child to overstep boundaries-and before they know it, their child is nightmarish and bossing adults around with their demands.
27. A place to sleep and routines
It is very important that your child (no matter how old he is) have his own place to sleep. Let your baby always sleep in the same place. If he is very small, you should not fill the room with too bright and colorful items, and place toys in the crib. When the child is older, by contrast, let him take his favorite toy to bed with him.
Even more important in falling asleep is a proper regime of the day. Try to arrange a certain schedule for your child, and do everything at the same time every day. This will help the child to perceive sleep as a certain ritual, and it will fall asleep faster and easier.
28. Teach your child to be respectful
To build a relationship based on mutual respect and attention to each other, it’s important to listen to yourself: what you want and what you need at this moment. By doing so, you develop self-respect. When you are honest with your child about your true feelings, he or she will discover that you have needs too.
29. Creativity and self-expression.
One of the most important functions of creativity is to allow children to express what they don’t yet know how to say in words. You can show your feelings, especially if they are unacceptable (for example, anger at an adult), show your impressions and emotions.
30. Unconventional approaches.
Instead of giving the child two paper plates, three cotton balls, a pair of buttons, and instructions on how to put it all together “properly,” provide them with different materials (like tape, paint, and canvas) and maybe suggest where to start (“Do you want to put tape on the canvas?” or “Will you use big or small pieces of tape?”) and then step aside.
31. How to develop creativity
Of course, children are capable of learning a lot without help, but if adults carefully select information to share with children and encourage them to take action, children will learn and try even more different things. By following our ten rules, you can be more effective at provoking and challenging children with new ideas.
32. How to talk to kids about their creativity
By asking what’s painted here, you’re showing that you don’t understand the picture. But for a child, its meaning is obvious. He or she may become very upset and even decide that he or she is not at all capable of drawing. Besides, if the drawing is abstract, you are convincing your child that there has to be some kind of theme.
33. Create a collaborative creative space
Work side by side with your children to create not only artwork, but also memories. Experiment, learn from your mistakes, enjoy your time together, and share the pride of creation. There is something magical about creativity.
34. Don’t be afraid of a creative mess.
The next time your child wants to draw or scatter a bag of rag balls around, make room for it. You’ll have to put up with the mess, but the benefits it will bring to your child’s creativity will outweigh any temporary inconvenience. Clutter comes and goes, but creative thinking stays forever.
35. Let your child be bored.
Boredom is a beautiful thing. That is, not boredom, per se, but what it brings with it. To satisfy curiosity, to imagine, to build, to experiment and to explore, a child needs idleness. Let it be an hour before dinner or a special time set aside for imaginative play on the weekends – the main thing is for the child to face and overcome boredom.
36. Treat everything as an experiment
The habit of experimentation is a great thing, and here’s why. Experimentation teaches a child that any task can be approached from different angles. By solving problems that he or she has set himself or herself, the child learns to think for himself or herself. The experiment reminds parents that they cannot know everything and must learn along with their children. Innovative thinking grows out of the spirit of experimentation, exploration, pushing boundaries.
37. Creative Environments.
With the right approach, anything can be a creative exercise. It is only necessary to set aside a place for the activity, put the necessary materials and tools there and offer the child new games.
38. Creativity as an end in itself
You may have heard the expression “it’s the process, not the result, that counts.” It’s great for children exploring art materials. The value of creativity is in the exploration and discovery, not in what the end result is. Adults are usually interested in the result, but children, given full freedom of action, stop worrying about their future drawings and immediately start figuring out how the materials they are working with behave.
39. Expand horizons.
Invite children to draw with shaving foam and gouache on cardboard boxes, with a huge brush and paint – on a house, a road or on their own bodies, splatter paint on a wadepaper, paint rocks, chalk a silhouette on the sidewalk, use flowers or spruce branches instead of brushes.
40. Encourage creativity
If you want to boost your child’s confidence and strengthen his desire to show you his work, welcome his attempts to do so. Tell him how much you like what he has drawn or sculpted, especially if your emotion is genuine. However, don’t praise everything your child creates – they may think your approval is fake or that you don’t understand anything. Be honest.
41. Ask open-ended questions.
When you ask your child about what he does, you show respect for him and his work. You will also learn the most important things. In addition, your child will learn to think about what he or she is doing. Ask open-ended questions. “Could you tell me about your drawing?” for example.
Such questions can trigger a new creative process. If the child answers, “It’s a person,” you can offer options to help him clarify his idea. For example, ask if it is a child or an adult, a boy or a girl, how old this person is, what he or she is thinking about. What happened to him before he was drawn? What will happen next? And so on. In this way you stimulate your child’s imagination.
About Developing Intelligence
42. The Nine Types of Intelligence
According to multiple intelligence theory, there are nine kinds of intelligence–nine different ways of being intelligent. These are verbal intelligence, musical intelligence, logical intelligence, figurative intelligence, bodily intelligence, social intelligence, intrapersonal intelligence, natural intelligence, and philosophical intelligence.
The theory proves that all people are naturally intelligent and each of us has developed certain facets of intelligence. And gauging intelligence by IQ tests is unproductive.
43. No Labels
Very often in our society we put labels on children: “hyperactive”, with attention deficit disorder, and so on. In adolescence they all prevent children from believing in themselves. According to the theory of multiple intelligences all these labels mean little. It helps to understand that even if a child has difficulties in some areas of life, it does not mean that you will not be successful.
For example, many celebrities have been diagnosed with hyperactivity and ADHD simply because they have the most developed body intelligence and have difficulty sitting behind a desk. They include actor Jim Carrey, athlete Michael Jordan, singer Justin Timberlake, and filmmaker Steven Spielberg.
44. Feelings are more important than results.
Legions of teachers and parents struggle to make a child successful. It sounds harmless, but the methods they resort to sometimes rob children of their self-esteem.
Children are brought up to be active and active, even if they don’t want to be. The main thing is to show results and to be successful, no matter what, regardless of the child’s feelings and desires. Naturally, the result of such an upbringing is unhappy children who are prone to depression.
45. A Problem as a Piece of Pie.
Automatic thoughts are common to all of us and appear on the edge of awareness: they are fleeting, barely perceptible formulations that we recite to ourselves throughout the day. Despite their transience and elusiveness, they create frustration, anxiety, and irritation. Above all, children must be taught to keep track of them.
Take any trouble in your child’s life. And tell him he can “cut it up” if he wants to. . Each piece is the cause that caused the problem. This approach will help the child get rid of guilt.
The child should understand whether anger, grief or fear is causing the thought, and by fixing it, “catching” it, he or she will be able to change his or her feelings.
46. The Bully or the Willing Victim.
Children with a tendency to depression are usually characterized by one of two styles of behavior. They behave either like bullies, who explode immediately if they don’t get what they want, or they behave like helpless victims, who let themselves be bullied and retreat because they don’t want any trouble. Not surprisingly, the passive child becomes easy prey for bullies.
The former must be taught how to restrain themselves and show them non-aggressive ways of overcoming their discontent. The latter must be persuaded that they are not helpless and helped to become more resolute.
About Good Nutrition
47. Communicate with your child.
Many children like sweets not only because they like the taste of them, but also because of the stresses and psychological problems they have experienced. They, like adults, try to eat their problems. And sweets give pleasant sensations and are addictive, and every day they want more and more.
Before you take away from your child another candy, talk to him heart to heart. And in general, try to communicate more with your child and solve his problems in time. Probably, sweets – only a replacement for parental love and attention, which he lacks so much.
48. Don’t allow to eat in front of the TV and to watch advertising
If you pay attention to commercials for sweets and drinks on TV, you’ll notice that children are dancing, laughing, and cheering in them.
The subtext is simple: “Kids who eat this food are happy.” This message gets into the subconscious of many adults and children, and they fall for it and begin to think that this food is a joy. But don’t be fooled.
49. Give up fast food.
Before you leave the house, feed your child something healthy. If he is full, it is less likely that he wants to go for a hamburger or donuts.
Always take healthy snacks with you, like nuts and fruit. And give them to your child as soon as he gets hungry. Make a new rule: Your family no longer goes to cafes to buy doughnuts and candy. Explain to your children that these foods are bad for them, preventing them from growing big and strong.
50. Children follow your example.
If we tell you that you and your spouse have the most influence on what your children eat, would you believe us? It turns out that parents are responsible for 72 percent of their children’s food. Do you like to eat out? Overly addicted to sweets? Kids see what you eat and drink (soda, ice cream, etc.) and how you do it (swallowing lunch quickly, chewing absently in front of the TV), and they mimic you. This is called mirroring.
The scientific literature clearly shows that children learn a lot from observing your eating behavior. To raise a healthy eater, it’s important to eat right, day in and day out.