We become parents, some consciously, some accidentally, often without thinking about what skills we should develop in ourselves in order to be good and happy parents. Being parents is a source of great happiness. But any source, when approached incorrectly, can turn into its opposite. The amount of resentment toward parents, and parents who are disappointed in their relationship with their children, who feel guilt toward their children, occupy a huge place in people’s souls. Is there anything we can do to avoid hurting the people closest to us, our children?
The moment we become a mom or a dad, our lives change forever. Now we are responsible for everything that will happen to a small, tender, defenseless creature. But, as a rule, no one and nothing like children help us, finally, to mobilize all our resources, to become disciplined, organized, prudent and purposeful.
Of course, the most necessary parenting skill is the skill of love. It is necessary to love yourself, each other and the child. And the best gift you can give your child is to keep love in your family. It is simply vital to create the atmosphere of a healthy family where everyone loves each other, takes care of each other, supports each other and spends time together, because it is very important for the family. If there is any opportunity to replace making money with spending time together as a family, don’t hesitate to choose the latter. Find an opportunity to be on maternity leave for at least one year, be with your child. It is very important for the little man to have his mother by his side at all times just at the tender age of up to three years old. And don’t leave him crying in his crib without going near him. He must understand that his parents need and care for him. Otherwise, he may never believe it again, at least not without serious psychotherapy.
We are legally and humanly responsible for our children, and whatever parenting methods we use, to a greater extent, the child is raised by our personal example. We must become leaders for our children. Even if there are no leadership ambitions at all in the social sphere, it is necessary to develop these qualities for successful interaction with children. And, as with everything else, the world starts with us. Therefore, all traumas and complexes, destructive attitudes must be cured, because, it is impossible to inspire even your own children, if inside yourself everything is not in order. Love yourself, fix when you scold yourself, do not believe in yourself, and replace it with support and faith in yourself. A complete revision of your destructive attitudes is necessary. Even if at first glance it seems to have nothing to do with children, you need to deal with them, inverting them into positive ones, by yourself or with the help of a professional. Love yourself. Without learning to love yourself, you cannot fully love your children. In general, it makes sense to do this work all your life. It is impossible to live without psychological trauma. Let it be like brushing your teeth, or dusting. Dust it, wipe it off.
despite all efforts, the family has broken up, the children usually remain with their mother, whose self-esteem suffers from the destruction of the relationship. Women feel guilty about their broken families, as society has traditionally assigned the role of caretaker solely to them. This may be preceded by a cooling in the marital relationship at the birth of a child, as there is a serious restructuring of life, the focus of attention shifts from each other to the child, the accumulation of elementary physical fatigue. Women usually do everything they can to keep the family together. So, they rarely have anything to blame themselves for. After all, an honest divorce is better than a marriage that has become, in fact, a sham, so if you look at it from the other side, you can even be proud of yourself for the difficult decision to end a marriage that has worn itself out. Divorce parents are always painful for the child, It is desirable to create another family in which there will be love, and love enough for the man and the child. Even if he is a cocky teenager. The new family may present, for example, a good stepfather. The father may begin to be more attentive to the child. The parents gain a chance at happiness, and the parents’ happiness is very important to the child, for. their longevity depends on their happiness, at the very least, and they can finally set an example of a happy family for love. If after a divorce you don’t manage to create a new one for a long time, it is most likely caused by destructive attitudes, acquired bad habits, elementary laziness and fear to build relationships again. Nevertheless, the end justifies the means.
Your word should be very weighty, always keep your promises. Keep your child’s trust like the apple of your eye. And if you promised your child to go to the zoo in 3 weeks, break your neck, put off everything you can and cannot put off, but do it. Trust is broken once, and then it is almost impossible to restore it in its original crystal-clear form.
Be competent. Study the peculiarities of child development as much as possible. Study the periods of development of children, and what they need at different ages. Communicate with child development specialists and with “fellow parents.” Constantly learn, master new modern methods of interaction with children.
Remember that there is not a single person who inspires harsh, mocking criticism more than praise and belief in it. This has a very vivid effect on children. They react very painfully to parental criticism, often the voice of mom or dad in the head, later, constantly actualized, blocking the development of the person. Believe in your children, expect only the best from them, be optimistic.
You will want to lead your family to some goals, whether it’s getting a higher education child, traveling to exotic countries, a healthy lifestyle, home theater and more. Kids pick up on their parents’ ideas easily as it is, but still, you need to give into your ideas with all your passion and be able to share your ideas and knowledge in the simplest language possible. Otherwise, you just can’t be understood, and the ideas won’t be accepted, and actually having them won’t matter at all. And don’t give up on your ideas, push for their implementation.
Remember that you are responsible for a close trusting contact between you and your children. And even if, for some reason, it breaks, break down, but strive to restore it, until it fails. You should definitely listen to your child, understand what is happening to him. Never spare any time for this. It will pay off a hundredfold. Even if the child is growing up hard to find common ground, and he perceives all indulgence and hostility, look for what you can interest the young listener. Literally allocate time in his schedule for this every day. And listen avidly, listen with your heart, read between the lines.
Be generous, and share all of your resources with your child. It’s not just about material possessions. But in order to share resources, of course, you have to have them. Get your life in order and live it 100 percent. Unconditional admiration for parents to pass, and bring up the encouragement and punishment after 10 years will be more and more difficult. Remain an authority and example for your child. Be optimistic, love life as it is. By the way, you can infect just a passion, including, of their children.
Learn to overcome difficulties, not to be afraid of making mistakes, but to pay for them at least once, so that you don’t stomp in place. Set an example for your child, teach him to anticipate difficulties. They inevitably arise along the way. Show that it’s not scary, it’s a challenge to gratefully accept. And be sure that you will overcome everything. It is very difficult for children to see an insecure parent in front of them in their interactions. It’s hard to lean on someone who isn’t confident that they can, no matter what, keep themselves and their environment safe and moving toward a goal. Insecure parents don’t feel their own security inside, and are more preoccupied with getting validation from those around them. And even more so, they do not care to develop self-confidence in their children, to hear and support their ideas and to develop their potential, although this is one of the important direct tasks of a parent. After the age of 3, when a child is actively learning about the world, an insecure parent grabs a Validol when a child tries to chop wood for everyone. Isn’t there a way to ensure that the child can try to do something for the common good in a way that doesn’t compromise their safety? After all, these same ways sure do exist, otherwise all the people chopping wood hurt themselves something every time. Get rid of insecurity at all costs, and help your children do it. Don’t let insecurity keep your family from reaching its potential.
Acknowledge your child’s contributions to the common cause. Admire him, be proud of him, put his crafts in a prominent place, hang his drawings on the wall, and collect his certificates in a special folder. When he is going through a hard time, feel free to take out this folder and remind him how successful he was, and therefore can be successful in the future.
Show by personal example how important it is to set priorities and never forget them. Move towards your goals always, not only when there is inspiration, the right mood, when it’s convenient. If cleaning a room before a walk is necessary, then it should always be so, and there is no discussion about it.
Love and be loved by your children!